False sympathies and delusions of compassion.

So the other day I was on my way to the office. Took a bus to the railway station. In the sweltering heat and the constant humidity that has been plaguing us for the past few months, I was trying to find some relief by taking in the sights and sounds through the open window of the bus. Waiting at a signal at the town center, my eyes fell on the road side vendors. With their makeshift stalls, propped up wooden sheets over plastic crates, trying to make a living selling clothes, footwear and various other items. The take up half of the footpath with their items and if you think about it, yes its a nuisance.

I've had this habit of 'observing' people in their daily interactions. There was a shopkeeper engaged in a conversation with an old woman who had in her hands a  pair of sandals. From the body language of the shopkeeper I could sense that he was adamant and that he's not going to budge on the price. From afar, on the opposite lane, sitting on a bus, I, comprehended the scene unfolding in front of me as I would a silent movie. The woman was passionately trying to get a bargain, the guy not to give one. People are passing by them, none of them paying them any mind, everyone busy with their own lives (Oh, no I'm not blaming them). I thought about the seller. My main query was how he's gonna close shop at the end of the day? The second was how he was surviving out there in the heat. The third was how much he was earning a day. What was he going to get if he makes that sale? How many people might be dependent on him? There was some weird sense of altruism taking over my mind. I looked at the other shopkeepers,  "they are all trying to make a living" - a voice inside me said. The signal turned green, with a grunt, the engine roared and the bus lurched forward. And just like that the scene was gone, the shopkeeper, the bargaining lady and the people passing by them. I tore my eyes away from the road and to the inside of the bus......

Higginbothams at Quilon station (Pic courtesy - http://www.pksands.com)

On reaching the railway station, I looked at the white board where the trains were written. Train No 16649 Parashuram Express was late by 45 minutes. Its no big deal, nothing to be surprised about. Be happy that its late by only 45 minutes. As I walked out onto the platform, I saw an a friend of mine,on his way to Bangalore, taking a few days off, he said. After exchanging pleasantries we bid each other farewell. My train was to arrive on platform 1. Did you know that platform 1 of Quilon Junction is the second longest platform in India at - 1180.5 meters (First place goes to Gorakhpur - 1366 meters). Waiting for the train can be a real pain. And I am not every good with this whole waiting thing. I started walking around, just to kill time. A group of porters were taking a break, sitting on top of the cargo that they were carrying. There were a lot o f shops selling snacks and drinks. The benches were all full, there was a television, pouring out some nonsensical crappy advertisement about some jeweler. Everyone looks tired and half head, must be because of the heat, I thought to myself. On platform 2 separated by two tracks is the iconic Higgin Bothams store. It sticks out like something that doesn't belong there. An old relic of a bygone era. Who knows how long before it vanishes? 

To the other side of platform one is the shorter platform 1A, where trains towards Punalur start their trip. Looking along the platform, i saw a patch of white moving over the tracks at a distance. I knew it was a dog. I took another look and confirmed that it was a puppy and walked towards it. There were no trains in 1A and there weren't many passengers either. So the platform was almost empty, save for a few people standing here and there. Standing on the platform I looked down at the creature below. I was looking down on him. His fur was white, but it had mud and dirt all over. Part of his face was discolored, mostly from some skin infection. Could hardly be 3 or 4 months old, frail and weak. I could clearly see his ribs and thin limbs. The hollow eyes were crying - 'HUNGER!'. Walking all over the tracks smelling here and there for something to fill his tummy. Trying to get something before the end of the day. He was accompanied by two crows as well. It was a sad sight and I asked to myself - "Should I?" And i heard that all familiar voice replying - "Do it!". Walked over to the nearest shop and looked for the smallest packet of biscuit. The smallest they had was Goodday for 10 rupees.The guy at the counter was counting coins. Apparently someone had brought him coins. So there he was counting, 50, 55,....60,...and I stood there waiting for him to finish. All this time, I was looking at tracks making sure the puppy was there. But I couldn't see him. On reaching 100 he took out a Rs.100 note and gave it to the person who brought the coins. He handed me the biscuit and I paid him. Took the biscuit and walked over to the place where I last saw him.Alas! From the platform's edge I saw the dog walking away, feebly, I was a tad late. I stood there, with the food in my hand, not quite sure what to do. Can I call him? Will he come over here again? I can't jump down and go after him, nope. The sad white ball of fur, skin and bones walked away ever so surely, step by step away from me. Over the tracks and beyond the MEMU shed, until finally, he disappeared behind the buildings. The biscuit was still in my hand, in a swift and deft motion I pocketed it. The voice that urged me to do it was silent.

The train came in another 30 minutes or so. I got a seat and started reading. At the next stop a guy walked into the compartment with a bag full of peanut candies. From my seat, I could see that there was definitely something wrong with him. It was due to the way he was looking at people. As he came closer I saw that he was blind. The guy was begging people to help him. A compartment has 108 seats in total all of it was occupied and some 10 passengers were standing. From among them just 2 people bought the candies. It was priced at 20 rupees per packet. Those who were kind enough to buy from him, gave him the money and took a piece each. He might be able to tell apart the currencies by touch. As he came near me, the voice was back - "Buy" it whispered inside my head. I closed my book, the blind man was near my seat and almost passed me by. I caught hold of his hand, stopped him and said 

'I want one'. 

'Twenty Rupees' - he said. I took two ten rupee notes and handed it to him,

'Take one sir'- saying this, he held out in his handful of sweets. I saw that he had peanut as well as sesame sweets. I took the peanut one and put in inside my bag. Somehow I felt good. The voice was whispering  - "Well done!".

I got back to reading and soon enough, there came an old lady begging for alms. Someone up there is trying to mess with me today. I guess God is having some fun. She came to my seat and stretched out her hand in front of me. I kept my head down at the book, pretending to read. I didn't look at her not acknowledge her. The voice inside began - 

"Give her someth--".

"Shut the hell up!! I've had enough of you for one day!". I silenced him for good.

The beggar went on forward. I started reading with a clear mind. I didn't think about her, nor was I sad for her pitiful condition. I guess I've had enough for the day. How convenient huh? 

I continued reading till I reached Kazhakuttom.